The inner voice can be the constant source of complaints in your head. A “murmuring” is described as a persistent complaint or a fixed way of being. Complaints can be about you, about others, about others to you, or about others to others. One of the main reasons why we “murmur” is because we intend to avoid taking responsibility. Murmuring are a denial of your true being as a co-creator of your life and your experiences.
We can view a murmuring like a scam operation. You get something out of being a certain way. However, as you get pay-offs, you also pay some cost. Your desire to get ahead or to get a better deal will lead to a greater cost.
For example, the desire to dominate can result in the lack of satisfaction. The desire to justify or to invalidate others can cause you your fulfillment. The desire to win or to make others lose can cause you your relationships and so on. You cannot get your payoff without paying the cost. When you become aware of murmuring and when you take responsibility for them, you are able to elevate your performance as a leader.
Murmuring has four elements: 1) A persisting complaint; 2) A pattern of behavior that goes with the complaint; 3) Payoff for having this complaint continue; 4) The cost of the behavior.
For example, the mother is always complaining that her husband is messy. Every time she sees her husband being messy, like with his closet, she gets into an argument with him. She nags him every time he is messy. The payoff for this continued complaint is she gets to be right about her husband making a mess and she avoids being under the domination of the husband. The fourth element is the cost. The cost is the husband will get tired of his nagging wife and he will distance himself from his wife.
Another illustration, think about a bachelor with commitment issues. The persisting complaint is that he is annoyed by women who are too needy. Every time he dates a new girl and she begins to ask him to spend more time with her or whatever kind of demand, he will break up with her. The payoff is that he will not have to be with “demanding” girlfriends. But the underlying reason is that he is afraid to commit or to invest too much time or energy.
The payoff, he misses out on finding someone he can truly commit to and have a satisfying relationship with. The payoff, he misses out on finding someone he can truly commit to and have a satisfying relationship with. The payoff is what keeps the murmuring going, which in most cases, this goes on for years. Maybe the payoff is that the person gets to be right. This reveals how a murmuring can sometimes feed a person’s pride. However, what is the cost? We lose joy, peace, and even relationships with the people we love because of these murmuring.
As leaders, you need to determine your personal murmuring and eliminate them. You also need to identify the murmuring of the members of the group. Once you do this, you will be able to communicate transformation more effectively. payoff is what keeps the murmuring going, which in most cases, this goes on for years. Maybe the payoff is that the person gets to be right. This reveals how a murmuring can sometimes feed a person’s pride. However, what is the cost? We lose joy, peace, and even relationships with the people we love because of these murmuring.
As leaders, you need to determine your personal murmuring and eliminate them. You also need to identify the murmuring of the members of the group. Once you do this, you will be able to communicate transformation more effectively.
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What experience of change can you transform today?