We Need Boundaries

Many of us struggle to say “no” because we cannot define our boundaries. Unfortunately, we live in a world with fuzzy borders, which exacerbates the situation.

Boundaries are limitations; they are imaginary lines we draw in our life to assist us to make decisions and decide the amount to which we are involved in anything. Poor boundaries can lead to hurt, anger, burnout, and even transgressions in our relationships. The inability to say “no” actually indicates a lack of boundaries.

Protect What You Value

Gates or fences are not intended to lock us in our house. Homeowners build gates to keep robbers outside and keep everyone who is within the gates safe. These boundaries are not meant to keep us prisoners in our own homes. They are meant to protect the people and valuables who are inside.

The first step in establishing and maintaining boundaries is evaluating our needs and values. It will be much easier to determine when to say “yes” and when to say “no” if we have identified what we need and what is important to us.

Assume a friend approaches you for assistance. Of course, you, being your excellent friend, say “sure.” However, defining your boundaries begins with acknowledging your needs; your first responsibility is to yourself. As a result, it’s critical to examine the situation and ask yourself questions such as, “Am I in a position to help?” “Am I in the correct frame of mind to assist?” “Am I emotionally stable enough to assist?” Such considerations will assist us in defining our bounds. Knowing our boundaries, in turn, allows us to say “no” with self-respect and self-love. Finally, such self-care is honoring and pleasing to God.


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